an evening with chuck palanhiuk

i went to an amazing reading by chuck palanhiuk last night with my friends, c.j. and nick. (all thanks to Sara :) ) he's an author that i've loved since my days at Store of Knowledge. an employee told me that i should read "Fight Club" before watching the movie and i was hooked. when i started working at Borders, i debated internally about my first "Staff Selection." it was "Fight Club." i did get some interesting comments about it. i knew it said something interesting about me to people who know what his books are about. and that book is one of his tamer ones.

he approaches subjects that are offensive, incendiary, and socially taboo. he creates characters who wear their flaws on their sleeves and relish in them. his characters stand apart from a world into which they will never fit. there is always a duality and struggle within each of them. i think that is what i relate to most. misfit. outside.

when i was talking about posting this, i didn't necessarily want it to follow yesterday's post. how can i go from talking about God to talking about a man whose latest book is about the porn industry? the picture of him above is as he is throwing out blow up dolls and he threw out earplugs to the crowd in case they were easily offended. i won't even go into what the bookmarks had attached.

obviously, there are many sides to everyone. sexuality is a part of my spirituality. the more i've discovered who i am, the closer i became to God. i am not ashamed of my sexuality or my faith. i've recently been asked how can i be gay and still be a Christian. and i've been asked why bother being Christian if you are gay.

i connect to the duality of the characters in chuck palanhiuk's books, the complexity of their struggles. i've always struggled with the feeling of not fitting into this world. i am not the labels, the stereotypes. i'm not a typical example of the minority groups to which i belong. i am finally figuring out that i don't i need to fit in anymore. i just have to be me, like it or not.

God don't make junk.