i don't like being angry

i hate getting angry. i do everything in my power to avoid that emotion. i don't think that i had good role models growing up to teach me how i should deal with it properly. i don't think i've worked in a place that has brought that out in me as often as this one. i'm more disappointed than angry about something that happened at work last night. it's become painfully clear that i garner no respect at all. as a result of two employees actions, i got "flaming pissed," as a friend would say. in most situations, i would walk out and not turn back to avoid saying anything i would regret. (the "run away, run away" solution) i cannot do that at work. i just did what i had to do and left as quickly as possible. one employee was actually brave enough to ask me why i was mad. and for once, i told him directly.

i'm learning to do that more often. i'm not good at facing what makes me angry. i've never been able to confront a boss about my disappointment or anger. i have done that in this job.
last night, i was able to tell the one employee why i was pissed right after it happened. usually i will tell everyone ELSE why i'm mad, then i will tell the person i was mad at directly ten years down the road. i'm getting much better at telling people directly. it's pretty scary.

there are VERY few people i will yell at or argue with directly. i can count them on one hand.
i don't like who i become when i get angry. it is not a nice person. i'm working on it. watch out.