"that's so gay"

(photo by Galen Rowell from savetibet.org)

i'm constantly amazed how easily people use this phrase around me. it's a common phrase. i use it as a joke sometimes if people know about me. usually, it is used more when a person doesn't know i'm a big ol' lesbian. this phrase doesn't really bother me as much as it used to, but people say deeply insulting things quite often without thinking about it.

there are so many things that one doesn't know about a person by just looking at them. you don't know their ethnic background, their sexuality, if they suffer from chronic or mental illness or their history of abuse. it's one thing if someone has the guts enough to ask me, "are you filipino, mexican, or hawaiian?" or "are you gay, straight, or bisexual?" no one is going to ask you "do you suffer from depression, borderline personality, or are you bi-polar?" no one is going to ask if you suffered from mental, physical, or sexual abuse in your past. no one assumes that someone in your family or a close personal friend may be affected by any of these issues.

i actually had to speak to an employee about using the word "spic" while speaking to another employee. i haven't heard that word since the eighties.

just yesterday, a friend said her husband accused her of being "bipolar" during an argument. i'm assuming that he meant to call her "crazy" or "strange," definitely meant as an insult.

when i start somewhere new, i always expect to be confronted with anti-gay sentiment, whether it is intentional or not. "fag." "that's so gay." i can usually tell who will be open and who will not. i'm still amazed how willingly people throw around insults despite who may be listening. no one pays attention to the look on people's faces when they touch a nerve.

i am guilty of making assumptions. we all are guilty of it time to time. i even let people make assumptions about me when it is easier. but i know i do not assume that i know everything about a person after a short amount of time. there are things that people who have known me forever don't know....

i'm a straight, mexican woman with borderline personality.

just ask my girlfriend.