two sides

i was messing around on youtube today and came across this video from "fight club," one of my favorite films. i love that brad pitt plays a character who is the epitome of what edward norton's character is not (but may want to be). two halves of the same coin. i've been thinking alot lately of what brings out the "evil" side in me. i definitely have one. and it is not pretty. some people are seeing it a lot more lately. i don't like that part of myself. i can be severely paranoid, pessimistic and fatalistic. i can make incredibly biting comments and sometimes REALLY mean them. i have to figure out an apology for a co-worker who takes my abuse every time i work with him. sorry, nathan.

i am working the perfect job in retail for me. if i could keep my head down, help customers and ignore the staff like the other two managers, i could work for this company until i retire. yet, this is not the case. in a larger retail store, you are subject to rumors, stories, insults and back-stabbing. in a smaller store, everyone knows exactly what everyone is doing. in my store, people are all concerned with what everyone else is doing and most of it finds it way back to me. even if i tried to hide in an office all day, it finds me. good news and bad news. it gets to be alot. sometimes a bit too much.

i wish at times i could be the brad pitt character and piss in everyone's soup, graffiti on buildings. sometimes i wish i could stand in the middle of the store and scream "GET THE HELL OUT!!" it would probably be easier and having to smile in the face of someone you know is only going to complain about you later. i think it's going to get to the point where i just walk around the store and mutter to myself, smiling an evil smile. "Don't talk about fight club."

cat toy extravaganza

our tree has become on large home for hundreds of possible fun cat toys. cooper is often found under the tree or perched on the couch in front of it plotting his next move. we have found several ornaments under the couch and on the floor. we even have the bottom layer of the tree "ornament-free." however, the branches have become so bent to the ground, it's ridiculous. cooper loves this time of year. who could blame him?

exes and ohs

i've been watching this show all season, thanks to tivo and sara. it is what i would call the "real L Word." the people in the show actually look like lesbians, not models or movie stars. (not that i don't love L Word, i do) however, the reason that i relate to this show is the main character, jennifer.

not only does she have a similar hairstyle to me, she has an awkwardness to which i relate. she lacks a confidence, but still is appealing. i love her character. and even though some may find it annoying, i like the editorial pauses in the show to define terms.

it took a couple of episodes for me to attach myself to the characters, but it was worth the wait for me.

happy anniversary

sara and i have been together nine years today. that's like 18 years in the straight world. it's pretty hard to stay together in any situation, but it's harder when you have to hide it from the people you love. obviously, that is not the case anymore, but it was in the beginning.

although dating me may seem like a dream to some (insert hysterical laughter), i am not a joy to live with at times. she is amazingly patient and accepting of exactly who i am. it scares me at times how well she knows me. i don't deserve her. i mean, really. i think she keeps me around since i make her laugh.

i'm not gonna get cheesy on the world wide web, but i hope she knows and can feel exactly how much i love her. i'm lucky to have her as both my friend and my partner.

happy anniversary, sara. i love you with all of me.

thanksgiving part two: delicious american fare

in the afternoon, i joined sara and her family for dinner. sara's mom is an amazing cook. i look forward to some of her signature dishes every year. mmm...sweet potatoes. this year, after our meal, we played a little American Idol Karaoke on the Playstation. and after several rounds and judging, it came down to me versus sara. and for those of you that don't know, i'm not a good loser. and in this case, it was NOT an issue. :) i am the next American idol. i'm getting a little better about losing, but not much. it was good times.

sara's mom sent me off with leftovers, some sweet blue suede shoes, and told me that i was "charming." gotta love that.

we spent the meal talking about what we were thankful for in our lives. i have a ton to be thankful for...probably more than most and more than i deserve. i'm amazed by my life thus far and am very glad about the people that surround me. i had a discussion with a co-worker about how people are brought into our lives for a reason. i am constantly impressed by the people put in my path.

when i got back to my parents, the snowman was gone. the reason..."too much maintenance."

thanksgiving part one : filipino food fest

My thanksgiving for the past nine years has consisted of two separate celebrations. One with my family and one with Sara’s family. The first year, I desperately overdid it and ended up throwing up in Sara’s guest bathroom. I learned my lesson after that. Eat little at my parents and take home leftovers and eat what I want at Sara’s mom’s meal.

This year, we started early in the Meneses household. We were eating way before 10am. They cook filipino food mostly, but this year, it was a little different.

I am going to call this the Meneses MEAT Thanksgiving. Luckily, Sara did not attend or she would have just had pineapple and broccoli. We had ribs basted in a soy sauce marinade, cornish hens, fried rice with spam, beef lumpia, and some type of spicy flavored turkey roll. There were more types of meat than there were people. I’m not complaining. I was just amazed.

My dad balanced it out with steamed brocolli with a cheese sauce. Go veggies!

After “lunch,” my mom tells me that I have to blow up this inflatable snowman she bought as a decoration. I’m thinking some type of plastic thing. Luckily for me, it was one of those inflatables with a fan inside. My mom and I proceed to decorate the outside of the home for Christmas with 4 foot snowman in tow. I’m not a huge fan of inflatables, but this one is cute and my mom loves it. She always talks about how my grandfather loved decorating for Christmas and how because it’s my birthday it’s special. I love my mom.

I have plenty to be thankful for when it comes to my family. They are all in bed napping.

welcome elena marie!

my friends, christine and eddie, just welcomed a baby girl into their lives yesterday. her name is elena marie. incredible. here she is with her brother, nicholas.

i am so excited for their family. and for all my friends who've had children recently. totally and utterly amazing! happy thanksgiving!

alone time

for anyone that has known me for any length of time, you know that i am firm believer in "alone time." whether you are in a relationship or not, there is true value in the time you spend alone. people have always seem bothered when i tell them that i enjoy watching movies in the theater alone, dinner alone, and have even been to a concert alone. these are not things that i want to do alone everyday, but once in awhile, it is therapy for me.

when i feel lost or that i'm losing myself, i find myself again by spending time alone. i miss having the beach to walk on, but i have found lots of places to drive or to walk. i LOVE riding the metro. (a whole other blog) i even find alone time at work, if i can. even though my job requires me to be extroverted, i get my energy through introversion. if i don't get enough time alone, i am not fun to be around. i'm just lucky that sara understands. she even requires some now and then.

take time for yourself every now and then. you won't regret it.

nerd, geek, dork....yeah i know

i can't seem to upload any photos at the moment, but i love the show called "The Big Bang Theory." it's a show about academics who live across the hall from a really attractive blonde woman. they all would be considered "dorks." someone called me a dork last week and i think, may have meant it as a compliment. there definitely seems to be an emergence of dorkdom roaming around the entertainment industry. this show is definitely in that category. sheldon is my favorite character. he has some of the best lines ever. and yes, i can relate to this show. i have not always been the stylish and hip person you encounter on the street these days. :)

i have been a nerd since i can remember. i'm okay with it. look at where i have worked while i've been in retail...a bookstore, a gadget shop for men, an educational toy store, and an office supply store. i mean, c'mon. by proclaiming my geekiness, i am in no way saying that i'm not cool. i just can be a dork. i love batman. i collect antique cameras. i sing out loud in my car. i blog. i use myspace and facebook. i love gadgets. i scrapbook. i collect pint glasses. i'm dating a ph.d. student. and i've worn glasses since the fourth grade. dork.

i have no chance at "coolness." sheldon would be my friend any day of the week. i'm surrounded by sheldons.

but i have "cool" friends too. i guess there may be some cool in there somewhere.

happy birthday, mary!

sara's mom, mary's birthday is today!! she is incredible. i honestly think we would have been friends if we had met randomly one day. her focus has always been on helping others and that has not changed in the nine years that i've known her. she is a strong, resilient woman who i'm honored to know and love. happy birthday!

happy birthday, mike and laura!

i love my brother. this photo is a small sample of why. he secretly is the coolest person on earth. don't know how to survive without him. there are no words to describe how awesome mike is...though he would deny it. happy birthday, mike!

it's also a landmark birthday for my friend, laura. she and i worked together when i first moved here. she is amazing. honestly, one of the funniest people i know and i know some funny people. i miss working with her. although, we've been known to reach incredible levels of slackness together. we reached levels that i've never reached before. she's a phenomal mom and wife.

no matter how much time has passed, we still seem to be able to laugh and cry together. she invited us to the gayest diner downtown to celebrate...fantastic.

home for the holidays

i love this movie. sara decided that she wanted to watch it to prepare for the holidays. I LOVE THIS MOVIE. there are some amazing actors in this film, which was directed by jodie foster. holly hunter. robert downey jr. charles durning. anne bancroft.
WHAT?! if you haven't seen this gem, please netflix or rent it.

i connect to the dysfunction. i connect to the fact that, despite it all, there is some love there.

the relationship that holly hunter and robert downey jr. have reminds me of my brother. he's too cool for school. always looking out. i miss having him within driving distance.

one of my favorite lines is, "everyone takes pictures, but noone remembers anything." i love that line.

see this movie.

a trip down memory lane

i spent some time this evening with someone i've known almost 20 years. she's in a rough spot right now. without going into detail, she needs all the prayers that she can get. i've been in her shoes. it's a hard road ahead of her. she's an amazing person and an incredible friend. we couldn't be any more opposite, but we couldn't get along better...now. :) as she reached out to me, i reach out to you. some prayers (for the religious). some good thoughts (for the non-religious). she needs whatever she can get. believe me, i know.

degas is one of her favorite artists...we met in art appreciation class.

music

i'm surrounded by different kinds of music all day long. sara and her ipod in the morning. the music i play on the car on the way to work. the music that plays overhead at work during the day. i even play cds when i can while i'm working in different parts of the store. i often wonder what attracts me to certain music over others. there are definitely things that i like immediately upon listening to a minute or a piece of it. usually, i will interrupt whomever i'm talking to at the moment and ask someone what is playing. sometimes, music grows on me. i am intrigued by what makes people excited when it comes to music. i love watching someone's face while talking about why they like a song. i'm not quite sure what my music says about me other than that i'm completely crazy, but people know that already....

i've received a couple of mixes lately and i love that they are as different as the people that made them. i'm working on a mix at the moment...as i type. i love all kinds of music. i love that it can change my mood. i love that it can make me remember incredible moments from my past. and i can deal with the fact that it can remind me of pain.

a friend of mine is having a party on saturday at gay diner downtown....i CAN"T wait to hear that music....

a small crush...

i'm in the middle of watching a episode of "bionic woman" where michelle ryan actually uses her real accent....a beautiful english accent. not only is she beautiful, but an ACCENT!!!! c'mon. i even find a southern accent attractive at times. i LOVE accents. i love this damn show.

if i thought the filipino accent was even remotely attractive, don't you think i would be rockin' it?

it does make people smile though, doesn't it?

damn, i gotta go to the dmv.

good food & good tea

if you want good chinese food, go to Ten Ren Tea. tonight when i got home, i told sara that i hadn't eaten anything but two small pieces of loaf cake from our holiday promo meeting for the cafe. thus, she drove me to tenren to grab food and a bubble tea. i have been craving this food for months. it was exactly what i needed. amazing. so good.

if you come to see me, force me to take you to this restaurant. not only is the food great, it's cheap. plenty of vegetarian dishes. there is actually more tea on the menu than food.

work is getting a little crazier than normal. so much that i'm taking an extra day off next week for a mental vacation. i love the holiday season believe it or not, but the amount of work this year is going to be insane. and after today's meetings, i'm honestly not sure what to expect.