a birthday to remember

my birthday celebration began immediately upon my departure from work yesterday. i enjoyed a traffic free and music filled ride down to virginia beach. i was able to grab a meal and a shower before we piled into the "versa," as my car is called by my dad. we head to the most filipino church in virginia beach, holy spirit catholic church. this church is honestly 95% filipino in its congregation. it's SO filipino that we sang "Silent Night" in tagalog. seriously. unfortunately, the priest was monotone and he made me miss Fr. Kelly (from college) terribly. it was the first time in a long time that i thought about Gaudete mass and singing with the folk group.

the best part was as we were driving out of the church, i say, "i'm 35 years old...halfway to 40." my father chimes in and says, "Life begins at 40!" i respond, "so what have i been doing all this time?" my mom says, "practicing."

we went home and exchanged presents, got some super cool stuff. my mom actually bought a new christmas decoration this year and i'm trying to upload the video i took of it....it is AMAZING. my brother and i were up until 3am just catching up and exchanging movie reviews.

this morning, i awoke to the sounds of my dad making christmas brunch. i got a chance to talk to craig for awhile this morning (and he waited to call until 10am). actually this year, i received more birthday wishes on my actual birthday than i have in a long time. it was very cool. thanks mostly to the inventor of text messaging and social networking websites. it made me feel very loved.

after brunch, i went and spent time with sara and her family. they were anxiously waiting my arrival because they had set up a surprise for my birthday. they actually did a scavenger hunt around the house for my birthday gifts. yes, there was a gift in the bathroom. it was pretty funny because the clues were hilarious.

then we opened the rest of the gifts...i must say, excellent stuff. i am very grateful for everything that i have been given this year. most of all, my family, my friends, old and new, and my partner are all incredible. i don't know what would do without the people that i love.

speaking of which, sara's sister, stacey teaches elementary school and one of her students lives in the house in the video below. we went to see it tonight. UNBELIEVEABLE!!!! my first thought was, "i have to do this when we get a house." they did shows every 30 minutes from 5pm to 10:30pm. there was a crowd gathered outside and cars lined up. it was a really cool way to end my birthday. only 5 more years of practice left, i better get to work.

one day left

this painting is by sara's friend, mary, and it's called hangover at hots. this is what i'd rather be doing right now versus what i HAVE to do. for those unfamiliar with my holiday traditions, tomorrow is my longest day of the year.

i have to stay up late tonight packing and wrapping presents. then, i have to work at 7am until 4pm, addressing statements like...

"i'm looking for a book, but i don't know the title or the author."

"no, i know the book is out-of-print...but i want the audiobook of this play. i looked it up on the internet."

or after a customer drinks the entire large latte, she decides that she didn't like it and wanted a refund.

[all this on top of working another fourteen hour day. luckily, nathan, my buddy, always pulls through and plays "the essential journey" album to cheer me (and most of the customers) up. so i spent the last couple of hours singing in the warehouse.]

but tomorrow, i drive home and get ready for midnight mass (we are there at 10pm). we stay up and exchange presents. then i finally can get some sleep.

i'm really looking forward to time with my family and sara's family. i need to get the heck out of dodge and get some perspective. and since i'm off the day after christmas, i get to spend the night at maribeth's. yay! there's nothing like spending time with a friend who knows you better than you know yourself. warning: there will be much more reflection.

the reflection begins

as my birthday and the end of the year approaches, i begin my annual reflection on my life. this year has included a lot of changes, new job, new car and a lot of new friends. i've also been in contact with a lot of old friends this year for the first time in a long time. i just got reconnected today with one of my two college roommates. i also found my junior high locker partner on facebook.

i'm really grateful for the incredible people that i encounter and for the relationships that those encounters warrant. i love a good conversation, especially one that challenges me to think about what i truly think and whether i'm brave enough to share it. i've had some really incredible ones this year.

i have found that having younger friends, despite making me feel old at times, can give me a fresh perspective on life. i can't wait to see how they impact the world. i think they are going to be incredible.

i also enjoy the advice my older friends have to share with me. i love that i can call my friend, maribeth, as i drive to my parents and she can call me out on my crap (even though i haven't talked to her in months). she should expect a call on monday.

overall, i struggle with being a good friend at times. i think i'm the worst with the people that i've known the longest. i think i have chosen very forgiving people as my friends. i hope that people know that whether i call, email or text or not that i am constantly reminded of my friends through photos, songs, or memories. feel free to call me on my crap. or just call. craig, just don't wake me up.

i'm not there

if you like dylan or love cate blanchett, go see this movie. if you can handle a little bit of artsy, then spend a buck or twelve to see this. i have mentally edited out richard gere and just replaced it with more cate blanchett. she is AMAZING. it's only playing in 3 theaters around town, but it's worth the trip.

p.s. it also has the actress from "science of sleep" in it...love the accent. :)

i took too long

this movie was released in 1988 and i started to hear about it when i was in college. i finally watched it today. sometimes i am resistant to watch a movie when too many people tell me that its good...i usually am disappointed because of the hype. so in this case, i waited. i was far from disappointed. if someone were to ask me for a movie to describe how i feel about movies, i would tell them to watch this one.

it is also centered around a movie theater, cinema paradiso. i love old movie theaters. i watched my first foreign film and gay film in an older movie theater, while i was in college. there is nothing to me like the anticipation of escaping into a different world when the lights begin to dim. it's where i go to find myself when i'm lost. i could watch movies all day. i've never done it, but i would love to spend an entire day in the movie theater. i have lived a dream by being in a movie theater watching a movie completely by myself. it would have been better, if the movie wasn't horrible.

there is a small movie theater nearby that plays one movie a week...just like the naro in norfolk,va (i miss it). i need to go there more often.

watch this movie, if you love movies. it's a tadbit long, but worth it.

happy birthday, virginia!

virginia and i have been friends longer than i can remember...well, i can remember, but i don't want to say. she is celebrating her birthday today and it's been quite the year for her...new job, new home, new outlook on life.

i made her a promise almost twenty years ago that no matter what happens, whether we are communicating or not, i would be there. i hope that i've kept that promise. and i also know that she would be there for me too. she has always been there for the people she loves and i'm grateful for the presence she's had in more than half of my life. happy birthday! i owe her a trip to cake love.

watch out, clark griswold!

this house is decorated ALL YEAR LONG! it changes with the seasons, but it is always lit up like a Christmas tree. i am thoroughly amazed by how much stuff is around and on that house. i can't imagine living next door. it's incredibly tacky, but i love it.

as an update, the meeting went as well as expected. i learned a little more than i wanted to in the meetings i had today. yet, i've decided to still lead with my heart, but not to forget my brain. an employee i love gets to stay on staff. i've made some wacky decisions of late, but things are getting back on track. things are settled for the interim. thanks for everyone's thoughts and prayers. keep praying. my birthday is just around the corner.

good balances bad

yesterday i received a visit from one of my favorite couples, jay and david. it was good to see them both and i needed the hugs from jay. my new friend came in and told me that she prayed for me at church that morning. another friend called and left a message. i received yet another amazing email from a friend. and a couple of things happened that will institute some change. i have a meeting on wednesday morning that could really determine how the rest of my year will go. i arranged to be off today for a mental break and i will be doing one of my favorite things....grocery shopping.

when i'm upset, i love being in the grocery store. i put on my headphones and i am in complete and total control. i love browsing and i love food, obviously. i'm excited. and i just got a new cd.

the other day, i met iyanla vanzant...random celebrity encounter. she lives in maryland and she was pretty cool. i didn't recognize her until she gave me her credit card. i asked if she would autograph her books in the store and she was very willing to do so. she was very friendly and had a really great smile. she runs a school to instruct life coaches. i found that very intriguing.

to retail or not to retail...

i had to have yet another horrible conversation with someone i respect due to the nature of my business. is every business heartless? am i supposed to be? i cried during the conversation and SHE comforted me. i don't think that there is a job that is perfect, but i do know that i'm good at what i do. i know that there are moments that i love being at work. i actually love making coffee for people, finding music and giving a child a book. someone called me a "workaholic" the other day. i laughed because i know that it's true. anyone i've ever worked with would agree with that statement. until i can make my way out of retail, i'm going to try to focus on what a really good friend taught me a long time ago.

life is an adventure.

you only work so you can have a life, not the other way around.

a new friend reminded me...things happen for a reason.

a day of music

so, i started my day off by going to work to set up for three guitar ensembles and a music honor society from a local high school. i have never seen so many classical guitars in one place at one time. it was pretty amazing. they even brought a keyboard and one student played an incredible original composition. can you really beat starting your day with some live holiday music?


next, sara surprises me by bringing to a movie, "August Rush." it stars Freddie Highmore, Keri Russell, and Jonathan Rhys Meyers. i love Keri Russell...i miss felicity, and i loved "Waitress." i have a huge crush on Jonathan Rhys Meyers. this movie is on the super cheesy side, but of course, it appeals to me. it wasn't really the story that i connected with, but the message that music is all around us if we listen.

i recently asked a friend what her five favorite non-musical sounds were...these are a few that i have thought of..

1. children laughing and playing
2. the sound of a can of soda opening & being poured into a glass of ice
3. the weird sound my cat, cooper, makes when i pet him
4. thunderstorms and lightning at the beach
5. hearing my dad say the words "yes sir" as only he does



we enjoyed the rest of the snow day with pizza, hot chocolate and more holiday movies. "On the 2nd Day of Christmas." Mary-Stuart Masterson & Mark Ruffalo. "Meet the Santas." Crystal Bernard & Steve Guttenberg. good stuff.

and so it begins....

every christmas season since we've moved here, sara and i have watched christmas movies of all types all throughout december. sara did it long before she met me, but now i've been included in the fun. actually, i didn't enjoy the season quite as much before i met her. she LOVES christmas.

so the first one of the season was "a carol christmas" starring tori spelling, william shatner, gary coleman, and dinah manoff. oh yeah, baby. basically, it was ANOTHER, more cheesy retelling of "A Christmas Carol." i don't hate on tori spelling. she may have been my least favorite on "Beverly Hills 90210," but i've liked some of what i've seen of her since. you have to like someone willing to take shots at herself.

this movie...well, it was on the hallmark channel.

we've moved onto "frosty's winter wonderland." the cartoons are more my style...

two sides

i was messing around on youtube today and came across this video from "fight club," one of my favorite films. i love that brad pitt plays a character who is the epitome of what edward norton's character is not (but may want to be). two halves of the same coin. i've been thinking alot lately of what brings out the "evil" side in me. i definitely have one. and it is not pretty. some people are seeing it a lot more lately. i don't like that part of myself. i can be severely paranoid, pessimistic and fatalistic. i can make incredibly biting comments and sometimes REALLY mean them. i have to figure out an apology for a co-worker who takes my abuse every time i work with him. sorry, nathan.

i am working the perfect job in retail for me. if i could keep my head down, help customers and ignore the staff like the other two managers, i could work for this company until i retire. yet, this is not the case. in a larger retail store, you are subject to rumors, stories, insults and back-stabbing. in a smaller store, everyone knows exactly what everyone is doing. in my store, people are all concerned with what everyone else is doing and most of it finds it way back to me. even if i tried to hide in an office all day, it finds me. good news and bad news. it gets to be alot. sometimes a bit too much.

i wish at times i could be the brad pitt character and piss in everyone's soup, graffiti on buildings. sometimes i wish i could stand in the middle of the store and scream "GET THE HELL OUT!!" it would probably be easier and having to smile in the face of someone you know is only going to complain about you later. i think it's going to get to the point where i just walk around the store and mutter to myself, smiling an evil smile. "Don't talk about fight club."

cat toy extravaganza

our tree has become on large home for hundreds of possible fun cat toys. cooper is often found under the tree or perched on the couch in front of it plotting his next move. we have found several ornaments under the couch and on the floor. we even have the bottom layer of the tree "ornament-free." however, the branches have become so bent to the ground, it's ridiculous. cooper loves this time of year. who could blame him?

exes and ohs

i've been watching this show all season, thanks to tivo and sara. it is what i would call the "real L Word." the people in the show actually look like lesbians, not models or movie stars. (not that i don't love L Word, i do) however, the reason that i relate to this show is the main character, jennifer.

not only does she have a similar hairstyle to me, she has an awkwardness to which i relate. she lacks a confidence, but still is appealing. i love her character. and even though some may find it annoying, i like the editorial pauses in the show to define terms.

it took a couple of episodes for me to attach myself to the characters, but it was worth the wait for me.

happy anniversary

sara and i have been together nine years today. that's like 18 years in the straight world. it's pretty hard to stay together in any situation, but it's harder when you have to hide it from the people you love. obviously, that is not the case anymore, but it was in the beginning.

although dating me may seem like a dream to some (insert hysterical laughter), i am not a joy to live with at times. she is amazingly patient and accepting of exactly who i am. it scares me at times how well she knows me. i don't deserve her. i mean, really. i think she keeps me around since i make her laugh.

i'm not gonna get cheesy on the world wide web, but i hope she knows and can feel exactly how much i love her. i'm lucky to have her as both my friend and my partner.

happy anniversary, sara. i love you with all of me.

thanksgiving part two: delicious american fare

in the afternoon, i joined sara and her family for dinner. sara's mom is an amazing cook. i look forward to some of her signature dishes every year. mmm...sweet potatoes. this year, after our meal, we played a little American Idol Karaoke on the Playstation. and after several rounds and judging, it came down to me versus sara. and for those of you that don't know, i'm not a good loser. and in this case, it was NOT an issue. :) i am the next American idol. i'm getting a little better about losing, but not much. it was good times.

sara's mom sent me off with leftovers, some sweet blue suede shoes, and told me that i was "charming." gotta love that.

we spent the meal talking about what we were thankful for in our lives. i have a ton to be thankful for...probably more than most and more than i deserve. i'm amazed by my life thus far and am very glad about the people that surround me. i had a discussion with a co-worker about how people are brought into our lives for a reason. i am constantly impressed by the people put in my path.

when i got back to my parents, the snowman was gone. the reason..."too much maintenance."

thanksgiving part one : filipino food fest

My thanksgiving for the past nine years has consisted of two separate celebrations. One with my family and one with Sara’s family. The first year, I desperately overdid it and ended up throwing up in Sara’s guest bathroom. I learned my lesson after that. Eat little at my parents and take home leftovers and eat what I want at Sara’s mom’s meal.

This year, we started early in the Meneses household. We were eating way before 10am. They cook filipino food mostly, but this year, it was a little different.

I am going to call this the Meneses MEAT Thanksgiving. Luckily, Sara did not attend or she would have just had pineapple and broccoli. We had ribs basted in a soy sauce marinade, cornish hens, fried rice with spam, beef lumpia, and some type of spicy flavored turkey roll. There were more types of meat than there were people. I’m not complaining. I was just amazed.

My dad balanced it out with steamed brocolli with a cheese sauce. Go veggies!

After “lunch,” my mom tells me that I have to blow up this inflatable snowman she bought as a decoration. I’m thinking some type of plastic thing. Luckily for me, it was one of those inflatables with a fan inside. My mom and I proceed to decorate the outside of the home for Christmas with 4 foot snowman in tow. I’m not a huge fan of inflatables, but this one is cute and my mom loves it. She always talks about how my grandfather loved decorating for Christmas and how because it’s my birthday it’s special. I love my mom.

I have plenty to be thankful for when it comes to my family. They are all in bed napping.

welcome elena marie!

my friends, christine and eddie, just welcomed a baby girl into their lives yesterday. her name is elena marie. incredible. here she is with her brother, nicholas.

i am so excited for their family. and for all my friends who've had children recently. totally and utterly amazing! happy thanksgiving!

alone time

for anyone that has known me for any length of time, you know that i am firm believer in "alone time." whether you are in a relationship or not, there is true value in the time you spend alone. people have always seem bothered when i tell them that i enjoy watching movies in the theater alone, dinner alone, and have even been to a concert alone. these are not things that i want to do alone everyday, but once in awhile, it is therapy for me.

when i feel lost or that i'm losing myself, i find myself again by spending time alone. i miss having the beach to walk on, but i have found lots of places to drive or to walk. i LOVE riding the metro. (a whole other blog) i even find alone time at work, if i can. even though my job requires me to be extroverted, i get my energy through introversion. if i don't get enough time alone, i am not fun to be around. i'm just lucky that sara understands. she even requires some now and then.

take time for yourself every now and then. you won't regret it.

nerd, geek, dork....yeah i know

i can't seem to upload any photos at the moment, but i love the show called "The Big Bang Theory." it's a show about academics who live across the hall from a really attractive blonde woman. they all would be considered "dorks." someone called me a dork last week and i think, may have meant it as a compliment. there definitely seems to be an emergence of dorkdom roaming around the entertainment industry. this show is definitely in that category. sheldon is my favorite character. he has some of the best lines ever. and yes, i can relate to this show. i have not always been the stylish and hip person you encounter on the street these days. :)

i have been a nerd since i can remember. i'm okay with it. look at where i have worked while i've been in retail...a bookstore, a gadget shop for men, an educational toy store, and an office supply store. i mean, c'mon. by proclaiming my geekiness, i am in no way saying that i'm not cool. i just can be a dork. i love batman. i collect antique cameras. i sing out loud in my car. i blog. i use myspace and facebook. i love gadgets. i scrapbook. i collect pint glasses. i'm dating a ph.d. student. and i've worn glasses since the fourth grade. dork.

i have no chance at "coolness." sheldon would be my friend any day of the week. i'm surrounded by sheldons.

but i have "cool" friends too. i guess there may be some cool in there somewhere.

happy birthday, mary!

sara's mom, mary's birthday is today!! she is incredible. i honestly think we would have been friends if we had met randomly one day. her focus has always been on helping others and that has not changed in the nine years that i've known her. she is a strong, resilient woman who i'm honored to know and love. happy birthday!

happy birthday, mike and laura!

i love my brother. this photo is a small sample of why. he secretly is the coolest person on earth. don't know how to survive without him. there are no words to describe how awesome mike is...though he would deny it. happy birthday, mike!

it's also a landmark birthday for my friend, laura. she and i worked together when i first moved here. she is amazing. honestly, one of the funniest people i know and i know some funny people. i miss working with her. although, we've been known to reach incredible levels of slackness together. we reached levels that i've never reached before. she's a phenomal mom and wife.

no matter how much time has passed, we still seem to be able to laugh and cry together. she invited us to the gayest diner downtown to celebrate...fantastic.

home for the holidays

i love this movie. sara decided that she wanted to watch it to prepare for the holidays. I LOVE THIS MOVIE. there are some amazing actors in this film, which was directed by jodie foster. holly hunter. robert downey jr. charles durning. anne bancroft.
WHAT?! if you haven't seen this gem, please netflix or rent it.

i connect to the dysfunction. i connect to the fact that, despite it all, there is some love there.

the relationship that holly hunter and robert downey jr. have reminds me of my brother. he's too cool for school. always looking out. i miss having him within driving distance.

one of my favorite lines is, "everyone takes pictures, but noone remembers anything." i love that line.

see this movie.

a trip down memory lane

i spent some time this evening with someone i've known almost 20 years. she's in a rough spot right now. without going into detail, she needs all the prayers that she can get. i've been in her shoes. it's a hard road ahead of her. she's an amazing person and an incredible friend. we couldn't be any more opposite, but we couldn't get along better...now. :) as she reached out to me, i reach out to you. some prayers (for the religious). some good thoughts (for the non-religious). she needs whatever she can get. believe me, i know.

degas is one of her favorite artists...we met in art appreciation class.

music

i'm surrounded by different kinds of music all day long. sara and her ipod in the morning. the music i play on the car on the way to work. the music that plays overhead at work during the day. i even play cds when i can while i'm working in different parts of the store. i often wonder what attracts me to certain music over others. there are definitely things that i like immediately upon listening to a minute or a piece of it. usually, i will interrupt whomever i'm talking to at the moment and ask someone what is playing. sometimes, music grows on me. i am intrigued by what makes people excited when it comes to music. i love watching someone's face while talking about why they like a song. i'm not quite sure what my music says about me other than that i'm completely crazy, but people know that already....

i've received a couple of mixes lately and i love that they are as different as the people that made them. i'm working on a mix at the moment...as i type. i love all kinds of music. i love that it can change my mood. i love that it can make me remember incredible moments from my past. and i can deal with the fact that it can remind me of pain.

a friend of mine is having a party on saturday at gay diner downtown....i CAN"T wait to hear that music....

a small crush...

i'm in the middle of watching a episode of "bionic woman" where michelle ryan actually uses her real accent....a beautiful english accent. not only is she beautiful, but an ACCENT!!!! c'mon. i even find a southern accent attractive at times. i LOVE accents. i love this damn show.

if i thought the filipino accent was even remotely attractive, don't you think i would be rockin' it?

it does make people smile though, doesn't it?

damn, i gotta go to the dmv.

good food & good tea

if you want good chinese food, go to Ten Ren Tea. tonight when i got home, i told sara that i hadn't eaten anything but two small pieces of loaf cake from our holiday promo meeting for the cafe. thus, she drove me to tenren to grab food and a bubble tea. i have been craving this food for months. it was exactly what i needed. amazing. so good.

if you come to see me, force me to take you to this restaurant. not only is the food great, it's cheap. plenty of vegetarian dishes. there is actually more tea on the menu than food.

work is getting a little crazier than normal. so much that i'm taking an extra day off next week for a mental vacation. i love the holiday season believe it or not, but the amount of work this year is going to be insane. and after today's meetings, i'm honestly not sure what to expect.

happy halloween

me as a "robber" panda

enjoy the holiday

14 years of coming out

i'm collecting these types of belts these days, but i do not own one of these. however, maybe it would make my life easier. even in light of the ever-growing tolerant atmosphere, it is still a challenge to come out. i'm slowly making the rounds at my somewhat new job. i've come out to two people this past week. the conversations were very short and sweet. generally, there was no lead in other than.."well, you probably already know this but...i'm a flaming homosexual." actually, i find that i say that "i'm gay." i don't say "lesbian." maybe one day, i'll be bold enough to say..."i'm a big ol' dyke." (i know, not p.c., but i love that word sometimes.) noone really is surprised. i don't know if i should be offended by that. what, don't i look straight?

my constant references to my "roommate" is a giveaway?

the photos of angelina jolie, natalie portman and scarlett johannsen at my desk not obvious enough?

the fact that i talked about going to "gay pride" with my friend this summer?

the large tattoo of two intertwined female symbols on my forehead? just kidding. maybe next year.

I LIVE WITH ANOTHER WOMAN AND HAVE TWO CATS!!!!

sara is the only person that calls me at work and they always ask who is calling....

c'mon, people. seriously?

i wish the process was easier.

at least now i don't have to have the two hour conversation anymore...but i do miss coming up with creative places to tell people and the questions people would ask me. one of my all-time favorite questions was actually asked a few months after i told her....

"so do you still like the sex?"

best question ever. (you know who you are.)

"can i speak to your manager?"

those six words are some of the most dreaded words to come out of a customer's mouth. the worst is having to reply "i'm the manager. how can i help you?" more often than not, it's a complaint. it's definitely not someone taking their time out to compliment someone. (that does happen sometimes, but not enough in my opinion.)

last night, we hosted a "halloween spooktacular" and several of my associates and supervisors dressed up. yes, me too. i was a panda. ( actually, i looked more like a robber dressed in a panda costume. sadly, no photos were taken. :) they were lost in the fire. ) anyhow, one of my baristas wore a kickass ninja outfit to work that night. i'm sure you can guess what may have happened....

"can i speak to a manager?"
"i'm a manager."
"are you aware that a gentlemen in your cafe is in a costume that is very offensive?"
"which costume, the ninja or the pirate?"
"he's a ninja? well, he looks like a terrorist. was there some kind of party? it scared my daughter."
"i'll take care of it."

after spending half the night praising his costume, i had to ask him to take off the mask. i could tell that she was one of "those." one who would make my life a living hell. it pissed me off and broke my heart. it was a definite let down after a very fun event.

sometimes, i hate those SIX little words.

i have to think of some creative answers to that question.

"accept the good"

sara took me to see "things we lost in the fire" today. i had heard good things about the performances. in general, i'm a fan of halle berry (for obvious reasons). i love benicio del toro. he was amazing in this movie. i have a love for david duchovny. the kids were super cute. yes, i did cry. i couldn't help it. if that happened to me, i would be lost.

one of the messages from the movie was "accept the good."

i don't think i do that enough. lately, i've gotten closer to some of my existing friends, gotten in touch with old friends, and started making new friends. sometimes i question why exactly people want to get to know me or stay friends with me at all. at times, i'm not a good friend at all. i've been working on it lately. myspace has helped a little. overall, i'm not the worst friend, but i'm lucky that i choose friends who are low maintainance. the ones who are high maintainance or high drama tend to fall away. the reason that people hang in there with me will probably always be a mystery, but i amazingly glad that they do. my friends and family make me who i am. i hope they know how much i appreciate their presence in my life. i know i don't tell them enough. and i don't accept that i deserve the people with whom i've been surrounded.

p.s. one of the things that i noticed about the film that was interesting was that you could actually hear the cigarette burn when benicio del toro inhaled. as a former smoker, it teased me throughout the movie. i may or may not ever smoke again, but i will always crave the act of smoking. i DO accept the fact that smoking is not good for me. i do miss it though. :)

p.p.s my friends, raeann and jermaine welcome david marshall into the world on the 23rd, 7 lbs 2 oz. dan and ginny welcomed katie. mike and susan have just brought jon home within this past week. christine and eddie are expecting any day now. my friends have been very "busy" lately. i am truly amazed by it all. i'm excited to meet them all. good good stuff.

next topic - the "coming out" conversation, still happening after 14 years

bionic woman

two women with superhuman strength kicking each others ass each week...why wouldn't i be watching this show? shah. as if.

target makes me happy

i am a consumer. this is not a commercial, but it can be seen as an endorsement. i love this store. if i'm in a bad mood, i can go to target and find something to cheer me up. yes, my brother has worked there forever, but that is only one reason why i love the place. i love that they have bins with items costing only ONE dollar. i love the clearance shelves. i cannot leave that store without something in my hand. i even love their commercials. i know i'm not alone.

now, some locations have starbucks and pizza hut inside. food. drink. and shopping.

how many stores can you leave with a curling iron, dove bath soap, a bag of bouncing eyeballs, and scooby doo post-it notes? not many, my friends. love it. i guarantee that i will never work there...i like it too much.

next time, hot topic...my favorite store in a mall.

i love asking questions

i spent the evening with my friend, danielle, who willingly trekked to my place of employment. yay! we hadn't hung out in awhile, so she was subjected to my endless questioning. I LOVE ASKING QUESTIONS. i ask friends. i ask strangers. i will ask almost anything. if there was a job asking questions for no real purpose except to suit my curiosity, i would be in heaven.

i love learning about people. i think that everyone can be fascinating. i'm glad my friends put up with my interrogation. and that they know they can tell me to mind my own business.

believe or not, sometimes i hold back asking the questions i would love to have answered.

of course, i answer questions too.

where did i spend my tuesday night?

i agreed to do an off-site event for an author after a lot of convincing. i didn't really read the book jacket or know what kind of dinner i would be attending. so, i arrive that the fire station and it's a women's republicans "octoberfest." honestly, it took me 20 minutes to figure out why i was hearing german music. the author worked for the reagan administration and spoke after dinner about it to the guests. needless to say, i felt a tadbit uncomfortable. it made me laugh because only i get stuck in the middle of something like this. i text my friend, omeed, and he told me, "tell them you are a lesbian...i'm sure they will love you."

at least the dinner was free.

three cool events...

i haven't blogged in awhile, but it's been a really cool week or so. the first couple of events involved a great weekend with sara. the first thing was seeing the movie, "across the universe." due to my current obsession with the beatles, i LOVED it. it was a very visual/musical film. it contained about 30 beatles songs redone by actors and musicians. if you can handle a little psychadelic and like the beatles, go see this film.

next thing, i FINALLY after 2 years got to see Tai Shan at the National Zoo. It was SO COOL. i love pandas. you don't even want to know how excited i was just to watch the little guy eat bamboo. (don't ask sara, i'll be embarrassed.) if you are in town, go to the zoo. super fun.

i bought a NEW CAR on wednesday!!! it is a 2007 Nissan Versa in bright RED. it has a lot of fun gadgetry. don't be surprised if i call you from the car cuz now it's handsfree. i've called quite a few people already. two words were involved in the sale that i thought i would never hear..."excellent credit." yeah baby. big ups to sara. and for the record, i liked the Versa before i watched Heroes...and now i LOVE it.

what was i waiting for?

i've recently made it through about half of the first season of "heroes." was i asleep? i love what i've seen so far and i WILL finish it before it starts next week.

i'm actually really excited about my future and recent television viewing. the season of "saving grace" just ended, starring the amazing holly hunter. let's just say...HOTNESS!!! i love the story of sin and redemption.

"dexter" is coming back on....AWESOME!!! i love that character.



today is my friend, Craig's birthday. he's been in my life longer than i care to think about. he's been there through some of the best and worst times of my life. i take him for granted. i give him a hard time alot. but he's hung in there and has been an important part of my life for more than 10 years. i hope he's around for quite a few more.

not sure what to think

jodie foster is an amazing actress. she looked SO GOOD in this movie. i love terrance howard...it's hard to be pimp. if the film's intention was to rattle some people, it does. life is not black and white. however, i'm not sure i bought the ending. the performances are definitely worth watching. it's worth watching just for jodie's clothing and her haircut. pure hotness on a stick.

i heart jodie foster

as many of you who have known me for awhile know, i have a love for jodie foster. i am excited and scared by the prospect of her new movie, "The Brave One." how can i resist jodi foster with a feathered haircut and a gun attempting to wield her own personal justice? i can't. i WILL see this one in the theatre. i'm not quite sure of the premise, but it seems that she has a need to hold a gun again. i'm sure i will flash back to Clarice Starling. honestly, she could probably just read a book in a movie for two hours and i would go watch it. so unless the story is horrible, i'm bound to like this one. as my friend, omeed, has pointed out repeatedly...i'm an easy grader. :)

happy birthday, maj

she's not as old as the dinosaur in the background, but she is one year older today. :) maj is like the sister that i never had. unfortunately, she so close to me that we annoy each other like siblings. (well, i annoy her more probably.) i'm glad that sara made her a part of my life. i don't know anyone who has fit their vocation more perfectly than stacey. she's an elementary school teacher. i wish she had been around while i was in school. i'm glad she's a teacher. i'm glad she's sara's sister. i'm glad she's my friend. happy birthday, maj.

michelle yagley 1964 - 2007

a friend and former co-worker, michelle, passed away september 3rd in her sleep after dealing with cancer for the third time.

i don't have a photo of her, but she had a love for the zoo and animals alike. i attended her prayer service and met some of her family for the first time. i think my favorite part was hearing her family laugh while talking about memories of michelle.

here is what i learned from michelle:

1. it's important to earn people's respect versus always being liked

2. try to understand sides of people that others may not understand

3. family comes first

4. strength is not just physical

5. never give up

she will be missed.

a visit with mary

i haven't gotten into a rhythm with blogging this month. so this will be the first of two posts today. sara's mom, mary, came to visit over labor day. i had to work while she was here, but we were able to hang out quite a bit. we went to westminster, md to go to the biggest antique mall in maryland. the photo above is mary helping us display my ever growing antique camera collection. the best thing that i found during our trip was a film projector that actually works!! i was pumped. we went clothes shopping and to the ikea. she also cooked for us (at her suggestion) and i realized exactly how much i miss her amazing home cooked meals.

she also helped me buy and i quote, "the best looking pair of jeans that i've ever seen you wear!!"

i think the best part for me was having just a really long conversation with her one on one, which we were able to do during her visit. mary is like my second mom and she knows more about what size clothes i wear than i care to mention. :) i'm glad she was able to visit. here's a closer shot of her display...

being a manager

in clerks II, the two gentlemen shown here are friends...one is a manager, the other is an employee. luckily, in my career, i have made a lot of friends....manager and employee alike. whether you become friends with an employee or just like them as a person, one of the hardest things for me is to watch someone get fired for making a stupid decision. usually this decision involves theft or dishonesty, which just makes it harder. i have never held a retail management position where i have not either investigated or terminated someone due to loss. it is usually someone that i like or like working with a lot. it truly is one of the worst parts of the job.

thankfully, it gets balanced out with the friendships that i've made. i got a call from my friend who told me that she is pregnant. (baby boom theory) the best part is how she told me:

Friend: "hey, do you guys sell yoga videos?
Me: "yeah, we sell the same ones we sold at Store of Knowledge, Gaiam"
Friend: "do you sell PRE-NATAL yoga videos?"

this friend also just text me a photo of a building that looked like Batman. that's how cool she is...really, one of the coolest people on earth. i also would make her work for me whenever i would get a new job....three different places, two different jobs. if she lived in the same state, she would totally be working for me.

i guess there is balance.

but the firing really, really sucks.

weekend with maj

yes, it's my second post for the day. yes, i'm off work today. don't judge.
sara's sister, stacey, a.k.a. maj, came up to visit for the weekend. although i had to work a good portion of the time, we were able to do some fun stuff. we ended up at the zoo to help fulfill my quest to see Tai Shan, but no luck. we were too late. we were able to see a plethora of other animals, but no pandas.

on another evening, we ventured off to dave and buster's, an arcade type atmosphere with a bar and bowling alley. after several rounds of skee ball, basketball and virtual tennis, sara and maj mention that they want me to win a kickball for maj out of one of those giant claw machines. (maj plays kickball on a team called "the crazy kickers" for a league in her area.) i've only one one other item from a machine like that before. and on my FIRST TRY, as shown in the photo, i won her a kickball. good times. it definitely left the evening on a good note.

it was great to hang with maj for the weekend. i hope she has some fun stuff in mind for next summer.