Monday, June 29, 2009

words are not enough



thank  [thangk]
–verb (used with object)
1. to express gratitude, appreciation, or acknowledgment to: She thanked them for their hospitality.
2. thank God, (used interjectionally to express relief, thankfulness, etc.) Also, thank goodness, thank heaven.
definition from dictionary.com


i am very, very lucky. i am extremely, extremely blessed. i have some incredible friends who day after day without knowing it, save my life. in times like these when my tendency is to isolate, i have been dragged out, checked in on, invited to stay and even given a key for shelter. i have even been buckled into a car seat and driven home without remembering how i got there. i have ridden the roller coaster of emotions within the past few months, but feel like i have had people keeping me grounded. i try to always say thank you. it never seems enough. phone calls. text messages. emails. and one amazing letter. all appreciated and much needed.

i'm not going to use names. you will know who you are...i know i will forget people. i'm old. these are just a few examples.

each of my friends at my job have been incredible in their own way. i truly don't know how they put up with me on a day to day basis. they've gotten drunken text messages, weird phone calls and they even hang out with me outside of work. what are they thinking? i love them all, as a group and as individuals.

i have a friend who i have only seen three times within the course of our friendship the past two years. she has listened to all of my anger and my mistakes since this all started. she has always had my back from minute one and she always manages to make me laugh. she is amazing and i am grateful.

i just reconnected with a college friend who though only having seen her three times has helped me discover something about myself. and she doesn't even know it yet. i just feel peaceful when i'm around her. she just listens. smiles. hugs.

i have a friend that just texts me every so often to tell me that she misses me.

i have a friend who i trust so much that i can lose absolutely all of my control with him and i trust he will take care of me. and he always has and he always does. we say more to each other by actually not talking.

i have a friend that i've known so long that at times we have our own language. we can be completely evil with each other and know that underneath it all we are good. we haven't been close in awhile, but i am thankful that he didn't give up on our friendship.

i have friends that in the midst of all that they was going through in their own personal lives, invited me over for dinner and just listened. they call. they text. they pray.

i have been blessed with three families in my life. my biological one. and two families that have adopted me. i have spent a lot of time with one of those families lately. all i can say is they love each other so much that you can feel it immediately when you are in their presence. you instantly feel welcome and safe. "come as you are and be as real as you can." seems to be their motto. and sarcasm is not only welcome, it is required. they have literally kept me afloat and putting one foot in front of the other. they will never know how much their presence in my life means to me. words fail. i hope they can feel it when i hug them.

and car whisperer, you know who you are, i don't know what i would do without you. truly. words can't describe our friendship or even come close. the word "friendship" doesn't even cut it. seriously.

"From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked." Luke 12:48 (NIV)

every gesture, thought, and prayer has meant a lot. believe me. and i hope everyone that i call a friend knows that i will be there for them in return. i love all of my friends with all of my being. i know i am not always the greatest at keeping in touch, but you are all in my thoughts. i just had to say, "thank you."

and don't even get me started on the new friends i've made lately....

Rest in Peace, Michael Jackson



i cannot image my life without his music. i just went to visit one of my friends a couple of weeks ago and his songs kept popping up on my itouch. so often that one morning she told me that she was singing "Beat It" when she woke up. he was as troubled as he was talented. but in reality, who isn't?

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

a father's day message



my friend, elizabeth and her baby girl, emma sending out wishes to her husband, james. any and all prayers are welcome for a safe return.

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

the story of us



we had a good run at it. ten years is more than some people can ask of most relationships. the photos above are the simplest explanation of what happened. in the end, does the "why" matter to anyone other than to the people involved? it is what it is. a new chapter in my life has begun. this is my theme song for what is to come when the roller coaster ride of emotion comes to a halt.

if you are finding out this way, then i apologize. it was not meant to hurt anyone's feelings. i promise. i have been thoroughly been amazed by my friends and family. i could ask for nothing more from the people who have been around me lately. i am extremely blessed by incredibly awesome people. i just can't tell the story any other way.


Monday, June 1, 2009

movie i most want to see this summer...

are you serious?



like i wasn't excited before? yeah i'm a geek fan. i accept that.