a new life. a new blog.

my next phase
come visit me sometimes.

a REAL update

just some of the moments...and some of the friends... great summer

an article a friend of mine wrote...

10 Reasons to Savor Being Single by Barry Davidson

ingenious or freaky?

the medley is pretty ingenious, but the multiple images of the same guy is weird. he's a good singer.

my so-called life

i haven't blogged (really) for awhile. i am currently obsessed with watching this show online. for me, it still translates. this particular episode is about how jordan catalano cannot read.

i've been housesitting for friends since the beginning of august in virginia. as a result, i've gotten to spend quite a bit of time with folks on this side of the bridge. i also took a trip to virginia beach with my friend, savannah. a festive night was spent at the rainbow cactus with my straight (but not narrow) friends from home. too much to drink. a little bit of dancing. and a early morning trip to ihop. good times.

i think i'm taking a break from drinking. not entirely. let's be realistic.



i am definitely going to slow down for the month of september...or so i think.

paper heart

i love michael cera. i want to see this.

had a great vacation. made a video of the trip, but it includes tons of pics of the kids...a little too much exposure on the net. so i will edit together another video & post that soon. it was amazing. seriously.

words are not enough

thank  [thangk]
–verb (used with object)
1. to express gratitude, appreciation, or acknowledgment to: She thanked them for their hospitality.
2. thank God, (used interjectionally to express relief, thankfulness, etc.) Also, thank goodness, thank heaven.
definition from dictionary.com


i am very, very lucky. i am extremely, extremely blessed. i have some incredible friends who day after day without knowing it, save my life. in times like these when my tendency is to isolate, i have been dragged out, checked in on, invited to stay and even given a key for shelter. i have even been buckled into a car seat and driven home without remembering how i got there. i have ridden the roller coaster of emotions within the past few months, but feel like i have had people keeping me grounded. i try to always say thank you. it never seems enough. phone calls. text messages. emails. and one amazing letter. all appreciated and much needed.

i'm not going to use names. you will know who you are...i know i will forget people. i'm old. these are just a few examples.

each of my friends at my job have been incredible in their own way. i truly don't know how they put up with me on a day to day basis. they've gotten drunken text messages, weird phone calls and they even hang out with me outside of work. what are they thinking? i love them all, as a group and as individuals.

i have a friend who i have only seen three times within the course of our friendship the past two years. she has listened to all of my anger and my mistakes since this all started. she has always had my back from minute one and she always manages to make me laugh. she is amazing and i am grateful.

i just reconnected with a college friend who though only having seen her three times has helped me discover something about myself. and she doesn't even know it yet. i just feel peaceful when i'm around her. she just listens. smiles. hugs.

i have a friend that just texts me every so often to tell me that she misses me.

i have a friend who i trust so much that i can lose absolutely all of my control with him and i trust he will take care of me. and he always has and he always does. we say more to each other by actually not talking.

i have a friend that i've known so long that at times we have our own language. we can be completely evil with each other and know that underneath it all we are good. we haven't been close in awhile, but i am thankful that he didn't give up on our friendship.

i have friends that in the midst of all that they was going through in their own personal lives, invited me over for dinner and just listened. they call. they text. they pray.

i have been blessed with three families in my life. my biological one. and two families that have adopted me. i have spent a lot of time with one of those families lately. all i can say is they love each other so much that you can feel it immediately when you are in their presence. you instantly feel welcome and safe. "come as you are and be as real as you can." seems to be their motto. and sarcasm is not only welcome, it is required. they have literally kept me afloat and putting one foot in front of the other. they will never know how much their presence in my life means to me. words fail. i hope they can feel it when i hug them.

and car whisperer, you know who you are, i don't know what i would do without you. truly. words can't describe our friendship or even come close. the word "friendship" doesn't even cut it. seriously.

"From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked." Luke 12:48 (NIV)

every gesture, thought, and prayer has meant a lot. believe me. and i hope everyone that i call a friend knows that i will be there for them in return. i love all of my friends with all of my being. i know i am not always the greatest at keeping in touch, but you are all in my thoughts. i just had to say, "thank you."

and don't even get me started on the new friends i've made lately....

Rest in Peace, Michael Jackson

i cannot image my life without his music. i just went to visit one of my friends a couple of weeks ago and his songs kept popping up on my itouch. so often that one morning she told me that she was singing "Beat It" when she woke up. he was as troubled as he was talented. but in reality, who isn't?

a father's day message

my friend, elizabeth and her baby girl, emma sending out wishes to her husband, james. any and all prayers are welcome for a safe return.

the story of us

we had a good run at it. ten years is more than some people can ask of most relationships. the photos above are the simplest explanation of what happened. in the end, does the "why" matter to anyone other than to the people involved? it is what it is. a new chapter in my life has begun. this is my theme song for what is to come when the roller coaster ride of emotion comes to a halt.

if you are finding out this way, then i apologize. it was not meant to hurt anyone's feelings. i promise. i have been thoroughly been amazed by my friends and family. i could ask for nothing more from the people who have been around me lately. i am extremely blessed by incredibly awesome people. i just can't tell the story any other way.

movie i most want to see this summer...

are you serious?

like i wasn't excited before? yeah i'm a geek fan. i accept that.

UP UP UP

this is my friend, jen, from college. i thought this was awesome. i haven't watched the movie yet. i will. very very soon.

twilight revisited

i have watched this movie multiple times since it's release on DVD. upon the second viewing, i fell in love with this movie. it has joined the list of several guilty pleasure movies that i now own. i am greatly looking forward to the second movie, "new moon." i even have a favorite line now, "let a playa play." said by eric after the famous, "how you likin' the rain?" line. you have to really listen to hear it, but it makes me laugh every time. below is a link to the 30 second bunny version of twilight.

i have a tiny circle of friends who enjoy this movie like i do, so i am not alone.... i relate to it and it fascinates me. and i have to let go of the book to enjoy the movie. and i will always hate the "sparkling" no matter how many times i watch it.

twilight bunnies video

dark knight 60s style

i am meredith

i love ross matthews. not just because he is one of the gayest men ever...watch the video and tell me that it is not true.

i am meredith

sunshine cleaning

this is one of the best movies that i've seen in awhile...at least since oscar season. i got a chance to see it in a small local theater and that added even more to the enjoyment. i related to amy adams and emily blunt in this movie for multiple reasons. and the kid in the movie was incredible. you can't overlook alan arkin as well. he must like being in movies with the word "sunshine" in them. the two sisters start a business cleaning up after crime scenes. despite the gruesomeness of the job, they find beauty in the darkness. here's an example. sheer awesomeness.

i tweet and i like it

last night at work i explained to a co-worker about twitter and how i got messages sent to my cell phone. i've been on it almost as long as i've been on facebook. i follow a ton of celebrities and i follow all of my friends that i am aware of that on there. i'm addicted to text messaging and random thoughts. it's a neat place to send them and i honestly feel sorry for my "followers." it is fun that i follow "harry potter" and janet jackson. i mean, really. and it has been an amazingly easy way for me to keep up with my friends.



i don't quite take it this far...

if you are the only one on earth....

...who hasn't seen this, watch it. love her. so i figure i have about 10 years to fulfill at least one dream...

susan boyle on Britain's Got Talent

on my list

have to see this movie. july 17th. i love joseph gordon leavitt. i like zooey deschanel.

easter weekend 2009

i spent the weekend with close friends and family. (photos of shelly and nate above) it was amazing. it was exactly what i needed. i was looking for a break from reality and i found it. i went with my friend, maribeth, to her brother, david's church. he said what i needed to hear that i need to work on forgiving myself for my sins. i have a really hard time with that concept. i got the chance to share my camera with shelly's kids, nate, daryl, and keara. they took some awesome photos very indicative of their individuality. it was one of the best ideas i've had in ages. they also took videos. awesome.

i also got a chance to spend an evening with my brother, mike. maribeth took me and mike on a tour of poquoson, photos below. then, i came back to maryland the next day to spend the evening with sara and her family. i really do not know how i could possibly feel more loved. there were just moments of sheer perfection this weekend. i am very lucky to be surrounded by love. i often take it for granted. i can only hope i give out as much as i receive...if not, i'm working on it. there are not many things you can count on in life. i am very lucky that i know who and what i can count on.

easter photos (with people)
easter random obscure photos

happy 30th birthday, sara!

she didn't want me to post this...but i'm not known for listening.

happy birthday, dad!

today is my father's birthday. he is one of the most amazing people on earth. i wish i could be more like him.

crazy retail story

i've been in retail a long time. i'm used to people calling for a manager and yelling at me about something completely out of my control. i was unprepared for this woman's story.

she started the story off by saying, "i'm sure this is a bit too personal, but...."

apparently, she does not sit on the toilet seat while using public restrooms. while she had her pants down, she spotted a pink cell phone coming from underneath the adjacent stall. it was opened, ready to take a photo. she was unable to get her pants back on quickly enough to physically catch the young woman, but she yelled "hey" resulting in the girl's quick getaway.

then, she comes to find me... i could not believe my ears. she was angry that she couldn't catch the girl. i literally had to chase her around the store to fill out an incident report. mostly, she was worried about this photo showing up on the internet. if it were to happen to me, i would have grabbed the phone.

by far, one of the craziest stories i've heard from a customer.

passive aggressive

passive-aggressive (-ə gres′iv)
adjective

PSYCHOL. designating or of a personality, a person, or behavior characterized by disguised resistance to the demands or expectations of others, that is expressed in hindering progress, as by procrastination, stubbornness, or inefficiency

Webster's New World College Dictionary Copyright © 2005 by Wiley Publishing, Inc., Cleveland, Ohio.
Used by arrangement with John Wiley & Sons, Inc.

apparently, i've been told that i am passive aggressive. based on this definition, i definitely am passive aggressive. i came across a book in the humor section of my store with examples of this behavior. the following story would definitely be included.

there was a car violating the unwritten rule in our neighborhood concerning parking. they were usurping our and our neighbor's space. one morning i was greeted by a note on the white ford escort that was the culprit....




"it is an unwritten rule in this neighborhood that these parking spots are for the homeowners. It is one thing to park there if necessary for a short time, but we do not appreciate it that every time we pull out you not only pull in, but remain parked there for days on end. I really hate to be petty, but this is the only spot we have to park in that's in front of our house and if you could please park your car somewhere else that would be fantastic. Thank you very much."


here was the response...



"Thank you for the note. I actually live here to & the only time I park here is when someone takes away the parking area in front of the house where I live just like last night. Sorry for the inconvenience. P.S. We should put a sign out for parking spaces."

the response was actually left in our doorway...we returned the note and response to our neighbors. no more white ford escort. i love people

a little snowfall

to facebook or not to facebook

the one thing that i didn't mention in this video is my addictive nature. i think i have only managed to stay off of facebook for one day since i have joined. it really taps into my curiosity about people. there's also the "coming out" to everyone from elementary school, junior high and high school in an instant factor that troubles me. it is weird. i'm fairly out, but i like to tell people on my own terms. in accepting a person as a friend, i instantly come out of the closet. no discussion. and i have yet to encounter anyone from my high school that is gay on facebook. twenty year reunion is coming up...and i'm the only one? yeah, right.

i am going to attempt to break the "addiction" to facebook. wish me luck.

i'm not quitting, just slowing down.

i'm not a quitter.

ah coldplay...

...it reminded me of the genesis video from the 80s. and since we've done puppet shows at work...

mr. chi-city mayne

sara and i stumbled up this....i had to share. too funny.

age before beauty?

someone accused me of being an "ageist" the other day and i know they were joking. however, i thought about it more and i thought it was funny. i love all women, young and old. these are a few that i have thought were beautiful forever. i think i could be an ageist when it comes to men...but probably not.

i believe all these women are all older than me....i could be wrong. no need to point it out. they will always be older in my head.

exploring churches

i've been going to a Metropolitan Community Church for the past five years and i love them. however, i live farther away and i am looking for a different church. i've gone to a few different ones in the past few months.

i actually ran across this church while i was exploring one day and i decided to go this sunday. it was a unitarian church. i have been to a wedding ceremony in a unitarian church, but that was it prior to this experience.

i really enjoyed this service. i felt mildly uncomfortable at first about being the only brown person there, but i got over it quickly. there were several things that popped out at me right away. i miss having kids at church. this church made them part of the service. they actually sang "Seasons of Love" from RENT, my favorite musical. i heard the words "same sex marriage" within the first 10 minutes of the service in connection with the words "standing on the side of love."

it was very peaceful and interractive. the one wall of the church was basically windows looking out into the trees. i loved that. amazing.

the congregation was called upon to share paper hearts and a phrase about the love in their life. pretty awesome. and one woman had been with her partner for over 17 years.

i was definitely led to this church on sunday. i think i will still explore the churches around, but i will come back to this one.



a few photos...

saturday afternoon

saturday night

a look back, a look forward

i love lists.

here's what i learned in 2008:

1. don't put your resolutions on your blog. if i post a list on here, then i ignore it. if i post a book to read, then i don't finish it. so just look for photos or music i like on here.

2. don't be afraid to connect with new people. i found things within myself that i did not know i possessed and things that i had forgotten. i've reconnected with my past and that's been eye opening as well.

3. God did not move. i did. He just put me down after carrying me for awhile.

4. there are some things worth fighting for and there are some things that must be let go. i'm not good at that.

5. there is purpose for my life. not sure what it is yet, but i am going to enjoy all the life i can until it comes into focus.

6. even though i am getting older, i refuse to settle into what everyone thinks of me as being the only thing going. i have changed. i will keep changing. i will keep challenging myself to be a better person. i will grow until i die.

7. i love people. i really LOVE people. life would be SO boring without them.

8. i am truly blessed. i have spent a good portion of my life not being satisfied by who i am, what i have, or where i am going. that is complete crap. i have been so lucky, been given more than i deserve, and my life has been the most amazing journey.

9. if i have a positive impact on the people that i love, then i've earned my existence here on earth. i just want people to say that i try to be a good person.

10. i am a freak. i am a misfit. i am a square peg trying to fit into a round hole. i am different. i am a weirdo. (see above photo) i am glad, really, really, glad.

11. stop looking within for all the answers. look to God, look to others and pay attention to the clues around you.

12. i am old, but i am not dead. i will do things that i have never done before.

13. i am so glad that my asking questions has brought me closer to people that i would have never known well. i am asking better questions and people are asking me questions back. it has changed my life forever.

14. i feel the most whole and healed than i have felt in a long time. watch out.

and for 2009....

i will not be afraid.

[the photo above is me in the "batcave" with my dark knight display, wearing my special hulk hands that i got for christmas from my friend, maribeth.]

happy new year!

obama inauguration 01.20.09

it was amazing to be surrounded by such of huge crowd of people who were so excited that Barack Obama is our president. it was incredible to be a small part of such a large part of our country's history.

inauguration photos

work in progress

Prayer of Saint Francis of Assisi

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury,pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
and where there is sadness, joy.


O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek
to be consoled as to console;
to be understood as to understand;
to be loved as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive;
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life. Amen


i am still sifting through my mind for my final thoughts about 2008 and where i am headed in 2009. however, i had to share this prayer in the meantime. it has saved my life on more than one occasion and i rediscovered it while listening to a Sarah Mclachlan CD. if you haven't heard her sing it, download it right now. this prayer is part of my focus for 2009 in an attempt to be a better person.

just a quick note of news, my friends, elizabeth and james, had their beautiful baby girl, emma, on the 22nd of december. congratulations! i am so happy for them.