i will miss his smile

i <3 ellen page

go see "juno." right now. loved it. love ellen page. if you can handle something a little more intense, see her performance in "hard candy." she is amazing. the whole cast in "juno" is excellent.

a day at the museum

i went downtown the other day to see the Edward Hopper show at the National Gallery of Art. i've seen a lot of Hopper's work, but not this particular painting before and i loved it. it's called "Chop Suey." i loved the content, the use of light and the amazingly vibrant colors. it's been since going to Pittsburgh that i've been in a museum, but moreover, a really long time since i've been alone.

as i was walking around looking at the various pieces in the impressionists' collection, i was listening to Alicia Keys new album on my cd player (the iPod is dead). i felt like i was in a little bubble, immune to interruption and i did not have to interact with another human being if i didn't want to. it was utterly incredible. i don't think i spoke five words during that trip. just to say "thank you" to the woman ringing up my lunch. during lunch, i sat with a notebook and emptied my head of the completely random thoughts that have been filling it.

some people don't understand how i can go places alone and not feel self-conscious. mostly, i don't think people pay attention to people who are alone, unless they are dressed strangely or their behavior attracts attention. i usually am able to blend into a crowd of strangers. if i walk into a room where people know me, it's much harder to go unnoticed.

a museum is easy. a movie theater, very simple. a restaurant...you have to have a book, a laptop or magazine, so it looks like you "intended" to be alone or you'll get the pitying looks. a church, harder if it's small. a concert, easy but i wouldn't do it again. a meeting/room where you are the only minority...sucks.

overall, i think i seem to be unafraid of people looking at me strangely if i'm never really going to see them again. but then again, my friends look at me strangely all the time. so maybe i'm just used to it. i love my partner, my family, my friends and i love spending time with them. but despite what i do for a living, i love NOT interacting with people. i love how i've been spending my time alone these days.

jamie at home

i got a surprise the other day when sara told me, "jamie oliver has a new show and i tivo'd it for you." this is one of the many reasons i love sara. she puts up with my many likes, dislikes and obsessions.

i've been obsessed with jamie oliver since i caught him late one night on his "naked chef" show. i think he's cute, fun and amazingly hyper about food. of course, i love his accent.

i don't even try to explain why i like some things, but jamie oliver is just plain fun on a stick. he makes me laugh and i made sara save the show she taped until the next one comes on....just in case i need a fix. yeah, it's a sickness. i accept that. i need help.

lift me up

i go to ross mathews' blog every day..... i love this man. this was on his blog today. he was in a bad mood and his friend, molly cheered him up in this video. all i could do was smile.

my friends do this for me all the time. lift me up. i love the dancing. i love the song. hopefully, i do this for others too. i know i'm a complete goofball. as a friend told me, "i'm just here for the entertainment of others." most of my friends have at least ONE funny ann story.

watch the video. it's worth it. jill scott's "hate on me."

please continue praying for my longtime friend. lift her up.

by a thread

sara and i went to see the movie, "sweeney todd: the demon barber of fleet street." we both enjoyed it. i could probably watch johnny depp licking stamps for two hours and still be amused. i also love tim burton. no one is shocked.

i think what i got most from it is that your life is like the little drop of water hanging on a thread. things can change in an instant, such that your life will be forever altered. sometimes these things are within your control and sometimes life just slaps you in the face. and in the end, it's all about how you react to these events. brutal murder and melodious singing are not my choices....i think i deal with things with more subtlety. there have been so many moments in my life that have directed my path...words, thoughts, events, and so many people. my droplet has fallen many times, but there has always been a string or two to pick me up.

i spent my saturday, prior to the movie, with three of my really good friends. they have all seen the good and bad side of me. i have known them all for over ten years and yes, they still seem to enjoy spending time with me. they watched me finally finish a scrapbook. we spent the day listening to mix cds that a new friend made me (by force) and talking about the various strings that connect us. they definitely have been strings that have directed my incredible path of life.

good times. hang on.

away from her

sara asked that i watch this movie before she sent it back to netflix. i had heard about it, but i am SO glad that i watched it. if you are in a silly mood, don't watch it. it is very serious and very sad. i loved this movie. to me.....it's about a love that transcends, but is completely honest about being imperfect. it's about a couple that deals with alzheimer's and everything that entails.

i have always been afraid of my memory issues. i loved the movie "memento," but it freaked me out for days and days. apparently, someone else is also concerned about my memory because i received the "brain game" for christmas. it was a developed by a doctor in order to prevent memory loss. after this movie, i will be playing everyday....

a new year

in assessing my list for things to accomplish in 2007, i've done better than i've expected. i usually am not good at meeting goals like the ones i've set for myself.

1. i think i have devoted more time to my family and friends this year than i have in the past few years. i don't have as much time available as i have in the past, but i think i have spent some quality time with those i love. i'm excited by my new friends and having developed stronger relationships with older friends.

2. i've lost about 30 lbs within the last six months. i am very proud of this. i can actually buy clothes in the regular sizes, not the "woman's" sizes. they still are not making super stylish clothing for women who are heavier. stores like "torrid" and "lane bryant" do try, but i don't wear clothes like that. i have plans to get back on the treadmill and lose even more weight. watch out 2008.

3.i bought a new car, a nissan versa....not a mini cooper. i love it though. it's a lot of fun. love it.

three out of eight. not the worst i could do. i am 5 pages away from finishing a scrapbook...but i'm getting together with some folks on saturday. yay! maybe better late than never.

overall, there have been some serious lessons about myself and others than i've learned.

1. work on not being so paranoid about why people want to be friends with me. i'm so suspicious about people's intentions, but i need to trust my instincts overall. they have not let me down so far. i'm amazing, why wouldn't someone want to be my friend? :) (gotta love sarcasm)

2. try harder to take care of existing friendships and relationships. after reconnecting with both of my college roommates this year, i realized that one of them works at the university that sara has attended for the past five years. i am not good at consistent communication, but i'm trying to be better about not limiting it to the internet.

3. keep working on being able to say "no." (stop laughing.) i've been way better than i used to be when i was younger.

4. there is a thin line between me and those seen as "outcast" in our society. i never was able to relate to those who are seen as "crazy" or homeless. i felt so distant from those people, but in reality, i could be in there shoes in an instant. and i need not complain about where i am or what i have to do to be where i am. no one can honestly say that they cannot or would not reach that point in reality. i'm very very lucky.

5. no matter how much i learn about myself and other people. they will still surprise you. i've surprised myself.

6. don't forget to have faith that the situations that you are put into may have a lesson that you need to learn, whether it is clear at the moment or you figure it out five years from now. i'm always in a rush to know exactly why i'm in every situation, but now i'm willing to wait for the answer....at least five minutes.

7. reminding myself...life is an adventure. enjoy it. embrace good and bad. don't take it for granted. every minute counts. drama happens, rise above it. laugh or die.